Halloween Comes to CVS: The First Salvo

We're not in Peak CVS Halloween yet, but the goods have started to trickle in. So, rather than wait to get overwhelmed by it all, I'll try and stay on top of it with pictorial essays, like this one:

Glowy-Inside Mummy Head. What makes this mummy glow inside? The fires of hell? A demonic driver? The love for his fellow man? The mummy's heart grew three sizes, that day....

Glowy-Inside Frankenstein's Monster Head. CVS eschewed the traditional flat-topped-Frank's-Monster head, for a more anatomically-correct round one.

Glowy-Inside Vampire (possibly Dracula, himself?) Head. With this goofy grin, you can almost hear Vlad, during a night out with the boys, say, "Bleh! I hate the vay I look ven I smile! Do NOT put that on Instagram OR I WILL DESTROY YOUR SOUL! WHO VANTS SHOTS?!?!"

In the middle is a regal skull-lady that I assume is a tribute to "Golden Girls" in some way. Blanch(ed Bones) Devereaux.

I'm not sure if these mummies dance, or move in any way. They might just be "things". In this modern age, are we jaded into thinking a thing should also animate or talk. Are we not content with things just being things? Mummies really make you take a hard look at modern life. (Mummies can't take a hard look at life, because their eyes are over there, in a canopic jar.)

Whoever set up the "Fun Halloween Things For Your Poop-Time" end-cap at CVS is quite the prankster, because they turned ALL of them onto "motion-activated mode". A mere glance at the display would send about 10 of these into joke mode, ensuring that you couldn't hear a single one of the jokes, clearly. Therefore, I will make up my own quips:

"I'm not ' A Frankenstein' ... I'm 'A Frankenstein's POOP'!"
"Did you hear the one about the Frankenstein that fell into the toilet? He was a POOP!"
"POOOOOOOOOOOOOP! *lighting crash*"

I guarantee the above are funnier than whatever the thing actually says.

The name all but ensures that there's at least one razor blade in there....

Still... I'd rather eat a razor blade than a box of DOTS. Don't @ me.

I have REAL issues with the fact that this is depicting Vader with a complete skeleton. Did the bag makers NOT remember the duel on Mustafar?!

For god's sake.

I still hate the Full-Skeleton Vader, but the Ghost2-D2 is adorable.

These leg-dangers are what minimum effort Halloween decorations look like....

Skeleton animals have been a growing trend, over the years. I love them, because it's clear that the designers were given instructions NOT to do any research, but to just sculpt what they THOUGHT a skeleton would look like.

THIS. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS, WHEN WE DEMAND THAT THINGS DO MORE THAN JUST BE A "THING". We get "Twerking Mummies". It does a "butt-butt dance" to the strains of "Fireball" (Which I assume is a real song.)

With Twerking Mummy, have we seen the lowest-low (or the highest high) of this season?
More as the story develops!!

I can be followed on Twitter @sommerjam 

No comments: