CVS Halloween Junk Update - Part 1!


I told you there would be an update to my last CVS piece ...
THIS is that update!
* * *
Guys, my local CVS does it right. They don't just sell Halloween stuff, they decorate in an extravagant manner that says to me "someone who works here cares". Alternately, it could say "someone who works here would rather spend a day decorating than actually working the register". To me, the ends justify the means.


More evidence that they care: Their widow-wide display includes items that you can't buy at CVS. This just reinforced the fact that Halloween is a labor of love, here. Some worker goes out and spends their own money at another store, to make sure the window display is on point! I certainly don't have that kind of chutzpah.


More evidence that they care: No one who works here has dared to suggest that over-covering the aisle signs with fake spider webs would "detract from the customer experience" by obscuring the signage. Who cares if some sick old lady never finds the minute clinic? Nope, it's all in service of the great god Halloween!


Some day, one of the workers is going to strip this mannequin and wear the clothes, themselves, to scare the b'jezuz out of entering customers. My only wish is that they "spring the trap" on the person who enters the store right BEFORE I do. That way, I get to enjoy the experience, but my pants stay dry.


No foolin', there are at least 56 varieties of these skeleton hang-y doll things. Every time I thought I'd seen them all, I'd round a corner and there was a new one. Best I could figure, there was a crew of "world builders" walking just ahead of me, creating my custom experience.

Above are two of my favorites. I like the devil version because A) who doesn't like a quaint stereotype devil costume? but also B) is this supposed to be the skeleton OF the devil?! Is that even possible?
I love the "moonshiner" because beards on skeletons are hilarious. The beard SHOULD have fallen off when the corpse's face rotted off... yet it didn't. Maybe the skeleton picked it up and reattached it ... or bought a fake beard?! Either way, it tells a story. I like my Halloween decorations to have hidden depths.


No one has ever picked anything up in the weird way that the hand model on these boxes is. That aside, it looks like people are finally getting on board with the "Teal Pumpkin" movement of offering non-food treats to kids. And by "on board" I mean "they smell money to be made so they'll market their thing slightly differently, this year". For Halloween, I'm going as a Conspiracy Nut.

I can't remember if I enjoyed getting "alternative treats" when I was a kid. On one hand, I think I'd have liked getting something that I could keep forever - and agonize over where the "perfect" place to put the stickers would be ... until I took so long to decide that I literally went off to college. On the other hand, Halloween was the one time of year my mom allowed me unfettered access to sugar, so I probably would have seen non-candy as a waste of an exhausting climb up the five stoop steps of the neighbor's house.


To my recollection, I never used anything other than the free trick-or-treat bags that a police officer would hand out at our school (you know, the ones that said "CARRY A FLASHLIGHT OR DIE!" on them, somewhere), so @#$% these pails.


These "pumpkin stands" say "I'm too good to put my Jack 'o Lantern on the stoop, like my low-rent neighbors!" Simply place your pumpkin on top of one of these decapitated bodies and create a delightful character for all to enjoy! Once the gourd starts rotting and creates a hard-to clean mess, deep down inside there, it'll be less delightful, sure, but think of the joy you brought to your classless neighbors!


Here's an actual Teal Pumpkin that you can buy to set out and attract all the little kids with food allergies. A great idea in theory ("Oh boy, this year I don't have to find teal paint and buy an extra pumpkin!"), I'm just worried that a lot of unaware people (eg, most people) will buy one simply because they look "interesting". Ignoring the little informative tag that's included, these dum-dums will display it, resulting in a lot of disappointed - and possibly anaphylactic shocked - kids.

I spend a lot of time worrying about "worst case scenarios". It's what's kept me alive this long, so I'm not ever going to stop, regardless of how many "interventions" people want to spring on me.


There's a lot more to show you, but I'm stopping here. I have a feeling that you're all at your limit of hearing about CVS Junk, for today.
But I'll do another update soon. Thanks for reading!

Please share and tweet about this, as I'm trying to fill this bucket I have that's labeled "love". It's always slightly emptier than I'd like it to be.

PS - I can be followed on Twitter @sommerjam 
AND all through October, I'll be doing a series of 31 Halloween-themed stick figure drawings on Instagram @StickFigureHeros

OK OK OK... NOW you can go...
Post a Comment