Mario Enemy Danglers


Up the block from us is a pizza shop that we used to go to until the board of health gave them a "C".

In NYC, restaurants are given grades, based on their cleanliness. Since, technically, a restaurant that gets a "C" could be one point away from being shut down, I do not patronize any place with that low of a grade. I'm hard-pressed to go into a place with a "B", even. Am I being a huge germaphobe? YOU BET! But I already have enough stomach troubles that I don't want to play fast and loose with my intestines, lest they get fast and loose. That was gross, I apologize.

But we have to pass this pizza place on our way to go virtually anywhere else in our neighborhood, so I always check out their quarter-operated vending machines stationed out front. For the most part, I just admire from afar, but recently - most notably because I now have a blog to fill with posts about stuff - I've taken a more active interest.

Their selection is always a crapshoot, but today they had something great: Mario Enemy Danglers.

Not a photo I took, this is from the official website of Mario Enemy Danglers.

I really wanted the Boo Diddley. (Yes, I still call him by his full name, despite the newer Mario series simply calling him "Boo". Like Cher.) Though, there's not a clunker in the bunch, really. Even the characters I don't know still look pretty interesting: Goomba-with-crash-helmet. Blue Kissy-thing. OTHER Blue kissy-thing. I could put up with having them all. Though, because each is a pair, I could just clip off the guy I don't know and use the half that I want to. Though that seems against the spirit of dangler-culture.

As they were going for 50 cents ($0.25/dangler) this deal was too good to pass up. Check out the one I got:

Well, crap.

I won't lie, I was disappointed to get this tiny alien parachuter, but I wasn't about to walk up to the pizza man and complain. After all, this is a guy who does unspeakably disgusting things to his pizzas (I guess? I mean, why else would he have a "C"?), what would he do to ME? Unspeakably disgusting things.

Plus, I am a grown man without a child in evidence, so it'd just be weird to complain about me wasting 50 cents without the threat of a kid-tantrum a-brewin'. Of all the reasons, I see this as one of the best to have a kid, "Oh, look, I don't mean to complain, but Jeff Jr. is going to lose his shit if he doesn't get a Mario Dangler Boo Diddley ... yes, that specific one. No, he cannot talk, yet, as he is still in the womb, what's your point? Parents just know!"

In the end, I guess it's ok that it turned out this way, because those Mario Enemy Danglers are meant to be cell phone charms and I don't have that kind of cell phone ... nor am I a 12 year old. I should be glad that I got what I got and not one of these charms, because I'd probably have attached it to my laptop bag, then gotten hassled by tough kids on the subway.

Still, that Jack O' Goomba would have looked pretty sweet hanging out in our Halloween Zone, come Halloween time.


Post Script: I will be seeing how well this alien flies by throwing it out my window, later this evening. The truth is out there.
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