I don’t think I’ve ever bought blackboard chalk before. How many of us have?!
But we were going to have a Stoop Sale (“which is like a yard sale, ‘cept that it’s in Brooklyn” —MC Frontalot) and I thought we should also, along with flyers, chalk up the sidewalk with arrows and our home address. I’d seen others do this, and was totally monkey-seeing this stoop sale. Plus: I like to bend over in public (like one would have to do in order to chalk a walk) because the world deserves to see more of my ass.
FULL DISCLOSURE: I know I have bought sidewalk chalk before. I bought it when I needed regular black board chalk. So the Morrisettian Irony, here, is that when I needed sidewalk chalk, they only had blackboard chalk.


Blackboard chalk, despite its creepy color-toothed, happy-go-luck grin, is not up to the task. Two “STOOP SALE —->” later and a whole stick of the red chalk was gone. And there were only two red sticks in the box. Any non-stoop-sale-related chalking I’d do in the future was at risk of having to be done without red.
No strawberries. No racecars. No blood. No UB40. (“Red Red Wine”?)
FUN PUZZLE: Can you, using math, figure out how many more stoop sale sidewalk chalkings I drew before the second red chalk was gone? Wrong. The answer was one… because I drew the next one bigger than the other two and the nub that was left wasn’t enough for another sign, so I chucked it.
That’s a lie, it lasted for two more. And that’s why there’s no red chalk left for the picture at the top of this post.
In conclusion: Don’t bring blackboard chalk to a sidewalk fight.
Also: Our stoop sale got rained on, so don’t ask about it.